Memoirs of a Black Girl

1 Corinthians 9:19 – 23 (The Message)

Even though I am free of the demands and expectations of everyone, I have voluntarily become a servant to any and all in order to reach a wide range of people: religious, nonreligious, meticulous moralists, loose-living immoralists, the defeated, the demoralized—whoever. I didn’t take on their way of life. I kept my bearings in Christ—but I entered their world and tried to experience things from their point of view. I’ve become just about every sort of servant there is in my attempts to lead those I meet into a God-saved life. I did all this because of the Message. I didn’t just want to talk about it; I wanted to be in on it!

++

1 Corinthians 9:19-23 (New International Version)

19Though I am free and belong to no man, I make myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible. 20To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win the Jews. To those under the law I became like one under the law (though I myself am not under the law), so as to win those under the law. 21To those not having the law I became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God’s law but am under Christ’s law), so as to win those not having the law. 22To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. 23I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings.

++

1 Corinthians 9:19-23 (Amplified Bible)

19For although I am free in every way from anyone’s control, I have made myself a bond servant to everyone, so that I might gain the more [for Christ].

20To the Jews I became as a Jew, that I might win Jews; to men under the Law, [I became] as one under the Law, though not myself being under the Law, that I might win those under the Law.

21To those without (outside) law I became as one without law, not that I am without the law of God and lawless toward Him, but that I am [especially keeping] within and committed to the law of Christ, that I might win those who are without law.

22To the weak (wanting in discernment) I have become weak (wanting in discernment) that I might win the weak and overscrupulous. I have [in short] become all things to all men, that I might by all means (at all costs and in any and every way) save some [by winning them to faith in Jesus Christ].

23And I do this for the sake of the good news (the Gospel), in order that I may become a participator in it and share in its [blessings along with you].

++

1 Corinthians 9:19-23 (King James Version)

19For though I be free from all men, yet have I made myself servant unto all, that I might gain the more.

20And unto the Jews I became as a Jew, that I might gain the Jews; to them that are under the law, as under the law, that I might gain them that are under the law;

21To them that are without law, as without law, (being not without law to God, but under the law to Christ,) that I might gain them that are without law.

22To the weak became I as weak, that I might gain the weak: I am made all things to all men, that I might by all means save some.

23And this I do for the gospel’s sake, that I might be partaker thereof with you.

The words seem to not be able to escape from my lips…

However, I know they need to be said.

Listen, I have to get this out of my head…

I know I have the power to stop you with my declarations.

I have loved you for so long.

However, I love another more…

Our destinies seem to have different paths that don’t meet in the end.

So as I am sitting here close to being washed away from my own flood of tears.

I know I must be the one to find the courage to walk away.

Shh…Don’t speak…

I really don’t want to hear anything you have to say.

Don’t waste your time.

I’m not listening.

I am not looking back.

Goodbye.

Sin…

##

By Lela Jefferson – http://www.memoirsofablackgirl.com

& http://www.poetryofablackgirl.com

I am your friend
that is what you call me.
Yet in your eyes I see so much more…
Though you tell me that you trust me
would give me your head if…
You should need to lean…
on my shoulder?
A small part of you…
stops you from telling me…
You love me…
In fear that I might abuse you
use you …mistreat you
causes you to… push me away,
while still you hold me near…
For with me…you leave all your hopes and dreams
aspirations of the woman that you want to be.
Your very words give your true feelings away.
In your gushing,
in your sentiments… in your actions,
I can see it there’d…
You love me.

I am the Holy Spirit.

Lela Jefferson – http://www.memoirsfoablackgirl.com &

http://www.poetryofablackgirl.com

Tools I Use to Journal

• A notebook – Usually with a funky cover design with standard sized lines
• Writing instruments – A pen, pencil and/or markers
• A computer – With a word processing program
• Voice recorder – To capture my thoughts when I do not have any of the above handy
• Music and Movies to set the mood – I get inspiration a lot of times from watching and listening to inspirational teaching or music. I love music in general and if I know the song or have watched the show/movie before I can have it playing in the background just to make sure I have a secondary focus.

Why I Journal vs. Keep a Diary

Growing up I always thought if I kept a diary meant I would have to write in it every day.  My big sister Andrea purchased me a diary once and I think I wrote in it maybe three times (3) in the entire year that it was meant to record.

However when I was given a composition notebook by my dad that just had lines and told I could write, whenever and however and whatever I felt like and call it journaling… I felt freer to write.

Keeping a diary just seems too restricting to me and I by essence am a free spirit.

How my Love for Journaling Came About

I have been keeping journals since I was about 10 or 11 years old.  I was first introduced to journal writing and recording my thoughts from observing my mother when I was as young as two (2).  My mother would put a blank tape in the recorder and just begin talking expressing herself to God about what she was going through in her life, with her children, and with my Dad.  She would sometimes just let the music play or record me and my niece Abby playing.  My niece Abby and I grew up like siblings being just under two (2) years apart in age.  My mother would baby sit my niece, eventually she would end up living with us for five (5) years.

From time to time my mother would also record her thoughts into a journal or write quotes in the margins of books she was reading.  Draw pictures on pieces of scrap paper…I mean my mother if she had something going on…she would find an outlet to get it out.  I believe it was her extension to her fellowship time with God.

Now on top of all this my mother was a prayer warrior.  People to the time she passed would call her just to leave long messages on her answering machine requesting prayer.  They knew when she prayed she got results.

My dad he was another one that encouraged me to read, write and record my voice.  My father had a strong passion for photography, drawing, painting and self discovery.  I remember going on outings to bookstores with him or museums and being given a budget to purchase items.  Instead of toys growing up after a certain age I received books or historical activity kits from my father as gifts.  This ended up being a family trend (I began to receive similar gifts from my uncles and aunts on my father side of the family) and it helped to strengthen my love for the arts.

At around 10 or 11 years of age my dad saw that I had begun to take on my mother’s love for journaling.  So he purchased for me my first set of composition notebooks to record my thoughts.  Then when he saw I loved to play as if I was radio disc jockey/host, he purchased me a tape recorder and a stack of blank cassettes and would pay me $10 per tape to record books for him.  This was before the whole books on audio tape became a big industry of its own.

In those composition notebooks I captured my pre-teen experiences, poems and drawing.  When I felt led, I would share them with my parents and they would in turn encourage me even more to continue writing, so I did.  Now it is 20+ years later and I am still writing and recording my thoughts electronically.  My latest medium is however blogging.

###

If you enjoyed this article and would like to begin journaling yourself.  You may now purchase an official “Memoirs of a Black Girl” journal for as little as $12 by clicking on the following link http://www.cafepress.com/memofablackgirl

Thank you again for your support of my writings!

Lela Jefferson – http://www.memoirsofablackgirl.com & http://www.poetryofablackgirl.com

Send email to: talktous@memoirsofablackgirl.com

One of the “I WILL” statements I listed for 2009 was to basically be a better steward over my relationships.  For those that do not know what an, “I WILL” statement is… well think of them as New Year’s resolutions that you actually plan on doing.   For the past two years I have compiled a list of things I want to do / develop in and actually go into contract with myself, witnessed by God and my friend/support base to keep me accountable.

Well, top of this year’s listing was for me to be a better steward over all of my relationships as I mentioned above.  Letting those that I love and care about really know how I feel about them and what they mean to me.    Reconnect with my family members, old friends and get to really know newer ones.

I am striving to be a better friend and support to those that have made any kind of impact on my life.  For so many years I focused on work, and work some more and my career that I lost sight kind of what was really important.  Enjoying this life I was given and those I was blessed to experience it with.

I believe I did this more so as a defense mechanism after first my dad, god father and one of my uncles passing in less than a year of each other.  Then my mother five years later which put a strain on my relationships with my siblings on both sides of my family also my relationship with my former beau.  Toss in there a few job changes and physical changes (cutting off my dreadlocks after 15 years of growing them and losing about 26 pounds.)  If I did not have God, I don’t know how I would have been able to cope.

Getting back to me being a good steward over my relationships “I Will” statement, with making this commitment and really working being more pliable I have learned more about myself in these last six months for both the good and the bad compared to in the last three years.  The bad are areas where I need more development and the good… are areas that I want to work on expanding.  So in an essence, I am still learning and I am still developing.  I know I have only begun to scratch the surface…However I can only honestly say that the seeds that I sow now are more so good seeds than bad ones…

Before going to bed tonight / this morning I decided to watch Madea Goes to Jail the stage play by Tyler Perry for the first time.

Tyler Perry’s Madea character has a monologue in one of the scenes that I found to be very profound. In this scene he compares people to leaves, branches and roots of a tree… to see it for yourself click the link below, if you would like to purchase the play you may by clicking on the Amazon.com link.

Madea Goes to Jail | Stage Play – Madea giving relationship advice.

I sit here and I ponder our relationship
You used to call on me so we could just talk awhile.
Spend days on end, just you and me.
I had your back even when others didn’t
I pleaded your case against our father,
when you sinned.
I forgave you when you lied.
I encouraged you when you couldn’t do it on your own.
I protected you when you were weak and clothed you with my love before you even knew my name or could even speak.
I sent provisions, but you didn’t give me thanks.
I was ok with it all, because the promise I made and the sacrifices I gave for you.
I remember times when you were bold enough to talk to others about our relationship.
Now when someone asks about you and me you deny that we are even related.
You have let fear of rejection and thoughts of unworthiness creep into your psyche.
I ask the question, do you really know me?
Am I not your friend, your brother… your teacher?
Did I not show you in my words, in my love for you, in my actions that I would never forsake you?
Trust me…. I have your back…even when you don’t think no else does.
I will never give up on you why? Because this we have, this thing… is real… and I am real.
I am love, I am your Father God, your brother Jesus and your teacher the Holy Spirit and in me you can trust.
I AM whatever you need me to be…
Trust me it is not in my DNA to not tell the truth.
I swore to tell you the truth through the shedding of my own blood… not once, but twice.
I am just waiting for you to talk to me again…I have all the time in the world.

5/14/09 12:16 PM

Wednesday May 13th, 2009

Personal Attitude Adjustment Plan Point of the Day: “#2 I will do what is needed even when it is inconvenient to me.” its amazing when you say that you are going back to the basics… that the basics don’t seem so basic when you have all the other junk that surrounds it to contend with too. Like, selfishness, denial, fear, procrastination, pride and doubt. Praise God they are no longer blocking my progression…

Thursday May 14th, 2009

“I no longer just represent myself; I represent the ministry, my Pastors and ultimately Jesus and the Most High God.” Many times you are given opportunities to step out of your comfort zone. I know that I have been prepared for such a time as this however…I no longer just represent me and so I must act accordingly.

I WILL release my past so I can move forward into the perfect will of God for my life…

• 

  A "Door of No Return" from Goree Isle - Senegal, West Africa

  I will be a better steward over my relationships with others professionally, personally and spiritually.

• I am a Proverbs 31 woman.

• I will be more pliable.

• I will review my life one day at a time, so I can make positive changes for the better.

• I will operate as I am directed and not as I am driven, yet still listen to what the Holy Spirit has to say, in regards to timing.

• I will forgive those that used and abused me in the past and move on (including me.)

o    I will not allow myself to allow others to block my blessings.

• I will study my Bible and pray in the spirit at least one (1) hour a day.

• I will operate my attitude adjustment plan daily.

• I will take care of my physical and mental health.

• I will dedicate at least one day out of the week to spend with myself and those I hold dear.

• I will stick to the fundamentals of the January Fasting guidelines throughout the year.

• I will go to the gym at least three (2-3) times or do something physical during the week.

• I will continue to work on leaving at a decent time.

• I will actually schedule a vacation and TAKE IT.

• I will continue to work on my delegation skills.

• I will get out of debt, the biblical way.

• I will be a good steward to my pets’ health.

o    Walk and groom the dog regularly.

o    Reinforce the dog training.

o    Clean the turtles’ tank every two (2) months.

I agree to these I WILL statements,

Lela Jefferson                                                12/31/08

____________________________________________

Signature                                                          Date